Much I was familiar with, at least superficially, but when role playing was introduced, ( again, ugh) new revelations were revealed .
I’m insufferably shy , I feel ill from exposing myself and of course , who do they call upon first . I was mortified , but I suppose fighting one’s demons is half the task . It’s almost impossible for me to discuss my own work , always trying to deflect scrutiny of the work and by extension , myself .
I still feel mortified . But I tried to persevere through the discomfort.
Part of the workshop was, once divided into small groups, we were to view and describe one another’s work to our group mates . Me being me made positive , probably lame , certainly vague comments ; truthful but never wanting to hurt feelings . In hindsight I see that as unhelpful.
The observations made concerning my own work were revelations- at least to me .
My work was described as :
Strangely biblically tinged
More familiarily , it was described as :
On one hand I’m concerned that my work can be perceived as disturbing but on the other I AM trying to create emotionally evocative work . In the end , I left feeling fascinated by perception , the very concept of perception, how I perceive my work not always translating , or if it does , in a darker stranger way than I had planned . This is something , that in so many ways, cannot be controlled without deliberately designing an image to evoke a specific response .
But that’s perhaps best left to marketing .
It is all so personal ,the work I make ; it might seem idiosyncratic, perplexing , off putting to some ( many?) . I have only just begun to acknowledge that fact in my bubble of splendid isolation.
I’m not going to make any significant changes after these revelations, in fact I feel committed , dare I say confident in the direction I’ve set for myself. Whereas previous critique left me in a puddle , I found this experience a helpful , and strangely ,an affirmation .
One of the facilitators tried to coax me into being more natural while role playing . The truth being I WAS being the natural me, the terrified , the insecure me , the one who makes stuff that may seem inscrutable ( even disturbing ) at times . My job now is to continue exploring my beingness, staying focused upon my truth and when possible try to explain it more efffectively .
And keep business cards at hand.
Now I’m going for a run.