Daily drawing Eat, the Hungry Penitent , graphite, watercolor, gouache on toned paper

Yet another drawing inspired by dream analysis ; I’ll leave it to the viewer to interpret further.
Daily drawing Eat, the Hungry Penitent , graphite, watercolor, gouache on toned paper
Yet another drawing inspired by dream analysis ; I’ll leave it to the viewer to interpret further.
(He has risen) & All the Earth Rejoices
My intention was to have this drawing finished for last Sunday, the Easter Sunday I celebrate but alas I wasn’t able to finish in time.
Instead, now completed, it will commemorate Orthodox Easter, a celebration I favor anyway for its solemnity (and general absence of bunnies). My intention with this drawing was to integrate my Christian faith with the old gods, the Greenmen and earth spirits that I revere in near equal measure. Greenmen of course our hard to resist , I doodle them aimlessly, I have them painted on my walls and on my ceilings,
and I turn to them time and again (and they seem in to turn to me) . Just the other morning, from one of my numerous monarchial email updates, I received an “invitation” to Charles III upcoming coronation. Its design is charming, traditional yet bright and optimistic, a cheerful herald to this new Carolean Age ( may it be splendid and hopeful). The design not only delighted me but inspired with its Greenman theme.
To add further inspiration, walking home from church during Holy Week I noticed for the first time these foliate faced fellows peering down at me. Greenmen it would be then, the perfect symbol of the Earth rejoicing .
2023
Graphite and colored pencil , gouache on illustration board
15 by 30 inches
I was further inspired by the earth’s awakening here in Chicago. It is still barren for the most part, but tender shoots are appearing ; the daffodils have been in bloom for some time and the tulips are gathering their courage. It is that period of opposites, fresh blossoms popping from the bones of autumn, of vivid chartreuse and dull earth- dull, cracked and crazed earth, broken by the vitality just beneath the surface.
If Man is by nature a maker of patterns, he learns that art by Nature herself, I hoped to capture that in this detail.
And that is that. Happy Easter to my Orthodox sister and her family , to my Orthodox friends and in general, happy spring and all that new beginnings offer.
2023
Graphite and colored pencil , gouache on illustration board
15 by 30 inches
2023
color pencil and gouache on toned illustration board
15 by 19 inches
Today’s drawing : “Vivisection of the Seraphim “, pencil and gouache on toned illustration board, 15 by 19 inches .
A friend recently mentioned that she didn’t believe in the existence of the Soul . This set me back a bit , I’ve heard this argument before , heretical from my position , that the soul, not actually something sacred but instead an entanglement of the nervous system. This materialistic perspective nonetheless upset me a great deal, leading me to uncomfortable rumination. Given its Holy Week and reflecting upon the soul appropriate, this image ultimately made its appearance.
The cold , hard science worship of our age with its mechanical “logical” detachment, cannot adequately discern the essence of a soul . For the Trust-the-Science crowd , such close scrutiny of the sacred would be as fruitless and as brutal as dissecting an Angel – you’d be left with little aside from disenchantment and some bloody feathers .
The soul is ineffable , wilting under the demands of the empiricist , but I have faith in it and the fact that you cannot be an artist without one.
Speaking of the intangible , the conventional depiction of the Seraphim , here illustrated from the Petite Heures of Jean de France, Duc de Berry, conveys the fragility of their nature. I attempted to capture that shredded-butterfly-wing tragedy in my drawing.
Details of my drawing follows :
Sending forth warm Passover and Easter greetings.
2023
color pencil and gouache on toned illustration board
15 by 19 inches
I find myself wandering creatively , not always a positive place to be in, especially if one feels lost. I feel a bit lost.
In poring over files I stumbled upon a bit of text I hadn’t recognized, yet I felt it perfectly evoked how I create, the random layering of pattern, image, reference . But who wrote it? After a bit of sleuthing through further files I discovered I’d written it. First questioning the state of my memory I was pleased I had saved this snippet. I will have to review it more closely but I feel upon initial reading it will easily integrate into a project I’d set aside, Saint Anthony & the Desert of Tears.
The mystery text follows:
Saint Anthony and the Desert of Tears
Once in a land of overripe fruit a fair young man realized he had his fill.
This realm of weariness overcame him, his joys soured, the jams curdled, the birds no longer sang; his morning daemons stayed for tea.
He tossed aside his pretty things. His brocaded grass of green cope caterpillar velvet plush a cocoon of downy miniver; his linen smock that butterfluttered embroidery ever so clever with fleas centipedes and mites, his coif that glittered metallic verdure as pompously as the proud Junebug, these , his treasures, his jewels, his bedazzlements he tossed aside; hair pantaloons would have to do.
Of delicacies he had no stomach, crepes as light as seraphim breath sat heavy as unctuous fog, gentle honeysuckle dew gathered with fairy care he could not bear; rook tossed spelten loaf would have to do.
His chambers swaddled in diapered tapestry and brocaded opal plush, carpets as tender as mole moss ached his swollen sole and tormented flesh, bone and marrow; he must breath to gulp the word , the desert cave would have to do.
With staff and skull young Anthony set forth sandward.
Farewell fair Egyptland.
Tuscon AZ
Christmas Day, 2017
So I’ve decided to return to my St.Anthony project , illustrating/illuminating St.Athanasius’ account of the third century desert father, Anthony/Antony. I randomly turned to verse 41:
“Life of St.Anthony”,
2023
graphite, colored pencil, gouache on toned paper
12 by 9 inches
This passage, 41, features a woeful , self pitying Satan confronting a monk (not clear if it is Anthony ) , bemoaning being misunderstood. It felt a natural place to return .
The passage follows :
41. “And since I have become a fool in detailing these things, receive this also as an aid to your safety and fearlessness; and believe me for I do not lie. Once some one knocked at the door of my cell, and going forth I saw one who seemed of great size and tall. Then when I enquired, “Who are you?” he said, “I am Satan ” Then when I said, “Why are you here?” he answered, “Why do the monks and all other Christians blame me undeservedly? Why do they curse me hourly?” Then I answered, “Wherefore do you trouble them?” He said, “I am not he who troubles them, but they trouble themselves, for I have become weak. Have they not read ,” “The swords of the enemy have come to an end, and you have destroyed the cities?” “I have no longer a place, a weapon, a city. The Christians are spread everywhere, and at length even the desert is filled with monks . Let them take heed to themselves, and let them not curse me undeservedly.” Then I marvelled at the grace of the Lord, and said to him:
“You who art ever a liar and never speakest the truth , this at length, even against your will, you have truly
spoken. For the coming of Christ has made you weak, and He has cast you down and stripped you.”
But he having heard the Saviour’s name, and not being able to bear the burning from it, vanished.”
Now onto other plates.
“Life of St.Anthony”,
2023
graphite, colored pencil, gouache on toned paper
12 by 9 inches
2023
Graphite, gouache, ink on toned illustration board
15 by 19 inches
New work on paper , just off the drawing board. Inspired in part by our bumpy ride from LA to Chicago, the final move of all our worldly goods in a bladder destroying rented truck. From our high perch (which is cool, the big rig-ness of it all) David, Viola and yours truly drove through some majestic landscapes. However the bleak desert landscape between LA and Las Vegas has proven the most inspiring .
Forget the imperial mountainscapes frosted in white, the red stone canyons, the luminous sunsets (and rises) , what seeped into my brain (and pencil) were ice cream cone shaped stands, forlorn and abandoned in the sands, galleons left adrift amongst the chaparral , and the countless “Jackrabbit” shacks/homesteads, built with such enthusiasm and abandoned with such a heavy heart. Neon glitz and sham popped up like unwholesome mushrooms we approached Los Vegas. From my bumpy perch I made short handed doodle-notes which trigger memory and move my pencil along.
The following, an album from that four day trip, late July, early August 2023, I think the quick snapshots convey the nihilistic neon of this fascinating wasteland:
I wasn’t able to capture these peculiar and abandoned ice cream shops, but a google search revealed their history.
From bumpy rental truck to comfy home studio.
2023
Graphite, gouache, ink on toned illustration board
15 by 19 inches
2015
watercolor on paper
The last of my drawings for my Popol vuh commission have been satisfied.
I should feel a sense of relief but in truth I feel a sense of disappointment, of hopes once bright , now dimmed a bit. I am not sure where this project, one in which I have invested so much energy into , will go. Perhaps its just the creativity bubble bursting a bit.
What I had understood to be a project slated for publication after I had completed my commission now seems in limbo. The publisher suggested by the poet I found to be lacking in creativity and vision with no apparent back up option-given the publisher was a pay-to-play publisher was disappointing as well.
But that seems to be the reality. I am now in the position of needing to find a publisher , to pay or to not, willing to publish this heavily illustrated tome. To be honest I feel sick to my stomach but I have put so much into these drawings to just allow them to be stashed away into a folio seems too great a defeat. I also feel ill-equipped and inadequate to the task
So I will begin researching , I dislike feeling a bit alone in this but from recent exchanges I fear the poet and I now have different intentions for the project. My initial understanding of the collaboration was a shared enthusiasm for Blake, inspiring a universalist, humanistic approach to this distinctly Maya creation myth, an uplifting celebration in the Jos. Campbell “Hero with a Thousand Faces” vein. It now seemingly more activist, too anti-Western Christendom in approach than I’d prefer.
There is profound relief in at last being free of the Xibalban Underworld, C.S.Lewis, in describing the creation of his Screwtape Letters dwelt upon the difficulty of being immersed in such darkness. The last year or so of trickster demons, their wanton cruelty, the viciousness of unwholesome, perverse gods and the relentless bloody sacrifices has had a similar darkening upon my soul. I’m eager to emerge into the light.
That said, the following are the images for the tacked on poems to our Popol vuh.
Poem Images:
(terrible photograph)
(perhaps my favorite drawing)
Chapter headers, the theme being puppetry and nursery amusements:
(my favorite of the chapter headers )
I am going to take some time away from thinking about this project, but not so much that I can wish it away. Just an opportunity to rekindle inspiration, to aflame motivation. David and I are tentatively planning a trip to Mexico City, with old gods underfoot and new above that just may do the trick.
2015
watercolor on paper
Wishing all moments of liminal wisdom.
Initially I admit to being chagrined, for I wanted to move forward with other projects that I have placed on hold. But I love this project deeply and truly, this theme, this inspiration, the Popol vuh has been my companion since 2013 when I first encountered the epic tale in a short animated film in a Mesoamerican class I had been attending. Immediately I was enchanted by this strangely familiar story and I began scribbling furiously in the darkened auditorium, doodling up ideas for fanciful puppet operas and traveling marionette theaters, 17th c. commedia hucksters , not unlike those in Hamlet, entertaining court after ennui weary court.
I will close with a proposal sketch for a solo exhibition from I think 2014. My proposal was a resounding dud, zero interest, so perhaps my poet is correct. However, all the more reason to put the Xibalba Variety Hour out there!
Tomorrow the movers arrive, our worldly possessions Chicago bound.
After sixteen years living in Los Angeles ( with a brief stint in San Diego ) I am left with mixed emotions, mostly just eager to get out of Dodge. LA has never been a good fit, we moved here for David’s career and I have tried, mostly unsuccessfully, to appreciate Southern California . It would be churlish (and predictable ) to gripe about LA’s unsurprising superficiality , increasing squalor and existential decadence … churlish but fun.
Instead I will focus on fond memories, of which the many studios I have been lucky to work (and often live in) I place near the top of that list.
My current studio (now crated) was/is in a mid rise office building I shared with my psychoanalyst husband. Perched 1o stories up it was a peculiar home for an art studio, yet it was close to our apartment, possessed attractive amenities and A/C- not a given in the art studio market, and in scorching LA most essential.
Mentioning A/C, my previous studio was the largest , most sprawling and allowed me to expand my scope of my work, my solo show Fairyland wouldn’t have been created if it hadn’t been in this rather dismal factory space in the heart of hot as Hadesville North East LA-without A/C. Grateful for the experience but boy oh boy it was hot.
At one point I had tried working from our little hillside cottage, the Little Hermitage …little being the operative word and it became apparent rather quickly that I needed actual work space.
Previous to the industrial heat pit I had a smaller yet air-conditioned studio, the former work shop of the fellow responsible for fabrication of the clown costumes of Ronald McDonald …or so my landlady told me. It was a charmingly squalid place.
Colorado Blvd., Eagle Rock
Before we purchased our Little Hermitage on LA’s NE side we lived (where we once again live) in what is known as MidWilshire. We rented a sweet little duplex, with a pretty little garden, charming light and quite a crazy Marxist Feminist landlady-all perfectly fine aside from her tyrannical harping. But it had good light!
In spite of our crazy landlady that apartment had been most welcome for we had been living in San Diego, which sounds lovely , and is , but we were living in what is known as East County, El Cajon specifically. It truly was Hadesville , and our reason for living there was to tend to David’s Mater- quite the SheDevil.
anyway, I spent quite a bit of time sequestered in one of the bedrooms repurposed as a studio…it had A/C AND good light.
Moving to El Cajon was made drearier for we left what had been our favorite home up to that point ( our current place in Chicago now vies for that distinction), a work/live loft, on the top floor of Factory Place in LA’s Arts District. It was so well suited to our needs , a joy to call home, well lit and with very good A/C.
It broke my heart to leave. Pardon the plethora of photos.
When we moved to LA sixteen years ago, we purchased, in the midst of a devastating bubble an outrageously overpriced condominium on a very pretty street , Havenhurst Ave., in very pretty West Hollywood. It was a period of great optimism and hope. The condo, though small, overpriced, far outside our budget, seemed a beacon of opportunity. And there was opportunity, David began establishing his career, my decorative arts career was blossoming, friends were made easily…we were married in our condo’s backyard. Yet the recession hit, and it hit hard, we were far too overextended, borrowed time, borrowed money , we lost our proverbial shirts and the condo . I truly thought we were lost, all of my prudent savings squandered. Yet sixteen years later we have rebuilt and now we approach this new chapter, our Chicago chapter.
Symbolically perhaps I can locate NO photographs of that sweet little West Hollywood apartment or that period aside from our wedding.
So onward, boxes packed, awaiting what the good Lord places on our path. I do have a studio waiting for me in Chicago, I am very eager to see what develops.
Wish me luck!