My last critique ( which will indeed be the last ) has left me reeling . And although the criticism lobbed against the work has in an unexpected way provided inspiration. My work was compared to both wallpaper and paper dolls , two directions I find fascinating- even if that was not the intent . I think exploring the frankly gendered even homophobic accusation that my figures look like paper dolls is exciting . I mean what grown man plays with paper dolls? Me I suppose. But inspiration aside I’ve been feeling hobbled in the studio , fussing but not producing .
The group leader who possesses empathy without pandering , something I admire, confessed that after critiques in her own past she was unable to work in her studio for several weeks.
I simply do not have that time .
So although I feel dispirited I am facing the studio . Primarily focusing upon drawing , something that feels nurturing and familiar . And without conscious intent I turn to the Baptist John.
Drawing away , happy with the quiet I suddenly become hyper self critical – the legs , they are so wrong .My inner voice jumps into overdrive “you really do not possess anatomical understanding , just as the group had asserted !”
It’s a horrible feeling when your harsh inner critical voice is echoed by an external one .
I was about ready to toss the whole damned drawing ( the medium , colored pencil , wasn’t erasing properly ). But instead I decided, partly in defiance to my own demons , to continue drawing .
In this case legs .
Working from source material I am trying to understand legs and feet; specifically trying to understand the difference between feet depicted in classical sculpture and actual feet. Why the stylization of the toe next to the big toe . Was it simply more graceful ? It does give a pleasant V shape . A lot to explore , plus it silences the nasty demons .
Concerns such as this will occupy my brain, I will try to reject “rightness” over expression and I will continue to try to process the criticisms , perhaps even benefiting from them.
Today I have my life drawing class ,sadly soon to end and now I am scrambling to find other venues to continue this integral part of my practice .
Until next time, be well.